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Journey's End

At the beginning I was a normal healthy 14 year old in year 9. I had just picked my options for year 10 and was looking forward to a holiday we had booked for the summer in Turkey, maybe a little too much…

I first thought I would like to start building myself up like one of my friends who went to the gym and drank protein shakes. Since I had neither of these I read online about ways to build muscle so I could feel confident and carefree on holiday.  Online I was told by websites to eat healthy so I did I started eating more vegetables and doing sit ups to build abs and everything was normal, I made it my personal mission to be buff by august. I then became more interested in ways to speed it up because august was close and progress was slow so I read up about cutting out bad fats and took action by giving up fried foods like KFC ,McDonalds etc. Then followed sweets, chocolate and biscuits. Anything that was perceived as unhealthy or fattening.

I became too obsessed with being healthy and my focus soon shifted from being buff to losing weight. At the time the changes I had noticed in my body made me happy and gave me more confidence to carry on. I was soon completely controlled by an illness that is so cruel and manipulative that, at the time, I didn’t even know I was affected by it. It used my face and emotions to hide itself. I lied to my family and friends and continued to loose weight until I was a skeleton, a mere shadow of my former self.

I became constantly tired and lethargic. I had no energy and was shivering all the time. I still found the time to run endlessly for miles and exercise constantly. I went on holiday and returned even worse.  It just so happened that I had a hospital check up in paediatrics the next week and when I walked onto the scales what they saw made them keep me for weeks on end….

My weight had plummeted from a healthy weight of 8 stone to 34.4k, just 5 stone 4 In 3 months I had lost almost half my body weight and Doctors told me I had a week to live. I didn’t start to gain weight.  When my heart started to ache in my chest my vision started to turn black I believed them.

I have suffered with my illness for 2 years now and at my lowest point I was tubed and sectioned under the mental health act. I was restrained almost every day to be tube fed which didn’t work because the illness gave me strength to stop them. I was sedated, which didn’t work because my heart started to fail.  My family were crying out for help and then I got it. I was admitted to Becton were I currently am, writing this blog. In the beginning I made no progress for almost 4 months but I have just started to come to terms with my illness and have begun to regain weight.

Honestly I have learnt that being at such a low weight didn’t make me happy. The little pleasures such as being able to visit home and see my family, being able to walk without using a wheelchair make it well worth the struggle. I cannot wait for this journey to finally end…